PitFTW's and Foxpilot's AU Romance Contest
by PitFTW
Summary: Valentine's Day is just around the corner, guys! So come on down! Who's sick of the Smash Mansion? Who's sick of Tabuu? Who's sick of Subspace Emissary? Well come on down! We've got the contest for you!
1. Chapter 1

PitFTW's and Foxpilot's Romance Contest

_He thirsted for nothing, hungered for nothing but her. She was the reason he lived, the reason he breathed. He had gone through numerous dungeons, undertaken numerous quests for no one else but-_

"Her. We get it!" the young man yawned. Famous for his story, "Week of the Blue Sun" among others, he was known to most the fanfic writing community as Foxpilot. "Do us all a favor and stop making the guy sound like some kind of perverted stalker."

"Excuse me, but who's telling the story here?" the brunette girl demanded. "And I'm not making him sound like a stalker!" The spectacular, if slightly infamous authoress and ringleader of "Guardians Arise!" was clearly irritated at having her work interrupted by her comrade's brazen remark.

Pit leaned over and took the manuscript the girl was holding. "… Sorry to say this, PitFTW, but Foxpilot's right. I mean, serious, 'She was the reason he lived'? That sounds like something grabbed right out of Pikana's head!"

PitFTW scowled. "And you're telling me that you two think you can write a better romance than I can?"

"Well, I don't know about those two," Master Hand said as he floated in, earning an indignant shout from Foxpilot. The hand was carrying a small portfolio. "But I'm sure that there are plenty of writers out there who would be willing to try their hand at writing a good alternate universe romance."

Foxpilot nodded. "Especially with Valentine's Day just around the corner…"

Master Hand nodded and placed the portfolio in front of them. "Now, it has come to my attention that though there have been many contests in this section and many more romances, many of them have a common thing. They all take place in some kind of house known as a 'Smash Mansion' where a tournament between fighters is taking place. There have been some variations to this, of course, but-"

"But what we're trying to say here is that we're downright sick and tired of having to run around all the time in the 'Smash Mansion' or 'Smash Castle' or whatever," Pit said bluntly. "So for this contest, we propose instead placing us in an AU of some sort. Take us to World War II, the Middle Ages, Mars, _whatever_! So long as you don't follow what's considered canon around here."

PitFTW raised an eyebrow. "And what is considered canon around here, besides the whole Smash Mansion thing?"

Master Hand pulled out a list. "Well, it has always seemed to be established that these fighters came from their own worlds, that Crazy Hand and I are the leaders and organizers of the tournament, and that there is always someone like Tabuu trying to kill us all or something like that. The terms of this contest state that to qualify, the story _must_ be a romantic AU that has nothing to do with a Smash Mansion or tournament of any kind."

"The less 'canon' the setting, the better," Pit added. "Just don't go crazy. We don't want any OOCness."

Foxpilot picked up a paper from the portfolio. "It also says here that PitFTW, Cherry4567, and I will host and judge this contest… winner will receive a collaborative oneshot and the top three will possibly receive a certificate if PitFTW can get her Photoshop to work for her. Wait, this 'Cherry' person sounds familiar, but I don't think I've heard of her in quite some time. Who is she?"

"She's a rather well known authoress, of course," Pit answered.

"Well, we've seemed to just about cover the contest," Master Hand reached for the portfolio, but it was soon snatched away.

PitFTW read over the papers inside it, frowning as she did so. "Hold on, that's it? All the contestants have to do is write a little AU romance story? Aren't there any rules to this?"

Master Hand shifted uncomfortably. "Well… Marth was actually supposed to make up the rules, except-"

"NO YAOI!" Marth ran in and waved a sign around. "NO YAOI! NO YURI! SAY NO TO YAOI AND YURI! I'M NOT GAY!"

"MARTH, SHUT UP! WE GET IT!" Pit shouted. "NO YAOI! WE GET IT! ENOUGH WITH THE FREAKING PROTEST!"

"SAY NO TO YAOI! YAOI IS BAD! BAD! BAAAAAAD!"

"SHUT UP!" PitFTW grabbed Marth and threw him out the window as Foxpilot chuckled in the background. Despite that, Marth was still shouting about his protest.

Foxpilot stopped laughing and sighed. "Giving in to Marth's demands, Rule #1 will be to please refrain from any homosexual pairing being prominently portrayed in your story. However…" he held up Diddy's severed head. "Excess Panther and Diddy bashing is A- OK!"

"Foxpilot!" Master Hand glared at him.

Foxpilot sighed. "Fine… Panther bashing gives you extra points!" he got slapped. "Ow! Okay, fine!"

Pit coughed. "Rule #2! Script format is not allowed! But poetry, songfics, and all other kinds of stories are."

"Rule #3," Master Hand said. "No prominent OC and Smash pairings. Yes, you may include them in the story, but they _cannot_ be part of the main pairing. We wish to keep this SmasherxSmasher or SmasherxSome other videogame character if need be."

"That brings us to Rule #4," Foxpilot said. "If you are to include characters from another game, please state which game they are from. Some of us don't know who the heck Shinon is! He can be from Kirby's Epic Yarn for all we know!"

PitFTW grinned. "And of course, with every contest, there's a word limit! You must write the entire story in… 9001 words!"

"IT'S OVER 9000!" Foxpilot shouted. He got punched in the face. "Urmph! Okay, I deserved that. Perhaps we should put on a chapter limit, though. Some people don't do well when restrained by a word limit. So the chapter limit is four chapters exactly. Yes, Prologue and Epilogue count."

Master Hand took the portfolio. "Well, since the contest is starting a bit later than usual, the deadline for all entries is the 28th of February. I can only wish all the other authors good luck. With these maniacs running the contest, you might need it…" he disappeared.

While Foxpilot and PitFTW were discussing the contest, Pit opened a notebook and started writing his own story. He had always wanted to try his hand at writing something. Perhaps, just maybe… if this story was good enough…

_He stood upon the roof overlooking the great city. His cape whipped all around him in the breeze. If it had not been for the few streetlights down below him, his world would have been completely bathed in the thick darkness caked all around him. Flashing gold in the faint light, his eyes scanned the streets below, searching for but one thing._

_The ultimate prize._

_The greatest of all prey._

_A woman…_


	2. Chapter 2

A Random Public Service Announcement

"Ugh, do I really have to read this?"

Foxpilot sighed. "Yes, Fox, you do. Pit was featured in the announcement, so it's your turn now.

Fox groaned as he looked at the script. "But why don't you get Wolf to do it? He's your favorite Smasher."

"You have seen Wolf, right? He's big, he's mean, and he's opposed to this whole thing because nobody ever pairs him with someone good."

Wolf, passing by, agreed. "He's right, pup. Besides, people like you. It's not like you can deny your fans, right?" he looked over his shoulder. "YO PIT! TURN OFF THE DAMN GAME AND HELP US WITH THE PUBLIC SERVICE THING ALREADY!"

PitFTW scowled as she put down her Wiimote and stomped over. "Will you just hurry up and read the darn thing? I left my Wii on and Ike was just about to shove his sword up Ashera's nose!"

Fox sighed. "Fine, I'll do it. Stupid PitFTW and her contest ideas." The anthropomorphic vulpine was promptly burned by Hephaestus' Forge and smacked with the flat of a silver sword. "Yeargh! Okay, you, girl, I get. But why you, Foxpilot?"

"Because she's a friend. And I—"

"Fight for your friends, right?" Pit FTW grinned. "Seriously, you're getting predictable."

As Foxpilot grumbled in the background, Fox the pilot cleared his throat and began to read. "Attention Authors and Authoresses of the Super Smash Brothers fan fiction section! This is a reminder that your romantic stories are due in nine short days! It's not that we don't trust you, it's that time is running short and we want to make sure you're ready.

"Also, we made a mistake in the previous chapter. The third judge is not 'Cherry4567'. The real name is 'Cherry3456'. Please forgive this mistake.

"Also, Star Fox rules forever," Fox added. "That is why they're remaking the best game ever for the new best handheld ever." Fox blinked, then whirled around. "Alright, now I know that wasn't just there a moment ago!"

Foxpilot looked up from his laptop. "Huh? Oh, right. You know, best game ever will be coming out, blah blah blah. Have you preordered _your_ 3DS yet, Fox? I didn't think so."

"You didn't even give me a chance to respond!"

"Sorry, I'm busy."

PitFTW sat up straight. "Hold on! Where do you get off saying Star Fox 64 is the best game ever?"

"I never said that..." Foxpilot started backing up.

"Everyone knows that's what you think!"

The author gave her a small smile. "Touché, good miss. What's the matter with it?"

"The matter is that this is _my_ idea! That means you have to say that Kid Icarus is the best game ever!" PitFTW pulled her sword out of its scabbard. "SAY IT!"

"Like heck I do!"

"C'mere, you!"

As the two writers began to engage each other in an imagination contest, Pit shut off the webcam. "You think they'll get the message?"

Fox looked back at the warring authors and shrugged. "I dunno. But there are a lot of stories that haven't reached conclusions, as well as many possible entrants who haven't started. Knowing these two, such results would make them unpredictable."

Pit nodded. "Hmmm, yeah. Let's leave them to this, huh? Pit FTW left the final battle of Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn on and I like the ending."

"Sounds like an idea."

The two Smashers left the fighting writers to their conflict, which was filling the room with a large amount of garbage story fragments.

"Star Fox forever!"

"Kid Icarus for the win!"

SSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSB

**That's right folks! Only nine more days until the contest closes! Some of you have written some fantastic entries already, and we want to see more! There's still time left, but you've gotta get a move on. Thankfully, there's two weekends left. Get those keys warmed up, because the competition's pretty steep!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Princess, do we really have to say this?"

Zelda rolled her eyes. "For the third time, Link, yes. As strange as it is to admit it, we owe both of them a lot for all they've done."

"You mean like how one made us lose our bodies to Tabuu and the other stuck us in a fiery and wintery hell?"

Zelda paused. Link's logic was quite good. Still, those authors were certainly no lot to trifle with. "…Yes, Link, like those. Still, they're both avid supporters of our series and have provided Nintendo with a lot of money over the years. They represent only a very small portion of the millions of people who have helped the company over the decades. We owe them."

"It's still stupid. I mean, they claim to be 'ZeLinkers' or whatever, but they just put us through a lot of crap."

"They're no worse than many of the other authors here. Remember the one who turned Marth into a girl for kicks?"

"Which one?"

Once again, Zelda was given pause. "You've been reading those 'Truth or Dare' stories, haven't you?"

"Uh…You know what, let's just get this done."

Zelda patted the hero in mock condescension. "That's my man. Turn on that camera so that we can get this done."

"Right…How do I do that?"

_Ten minutes later_.

"Thanks, Snake."

"Whatever, Princess. Just remember that it's the button that says 'on'."

As the mercenary left, Zelda shut the door to the tech room. Though the room was still cramped by half-baked ideas—remnants from the short war that had taken place recently—the computers were miraculously untouched. Shoving aside some sort of wing, Zelda picked up the paper with the message on it. "Alright, Link. Ready?"

"Yes ma'am!"

"Love the enthusiasm."

Intertwining their hands, Zelda and Link began to speak as one. "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the sleeping authors PitFTW and Foxpilot, we would like to make an announcement. It has come to our attention that more than half of those who pledged to enter the Valentine's Day contest did not finish, with many not even writing an entry in the first place. Therefore, it is with a little reluctance that we extend the contest deadline until March 31 of the year 2011.

"Use this time wisely, as not doing so will—and we mean _will_—result in writing that is below what you are capable of. Therefore, we strongly encourage you to write your stories over the next several weeks rather than submit them at the last minute. Furthermore, please try to spread out the story into chapters."

"That was kinda awkward."

"Link, it's don—hey, what's this scrawl down here?"

"It wasn't there a moment ago. It looks like…"

"Foxpilot's writing. Figures he'd add something. Can you make it out, Link?"

"Yeah…'MessengerofDreams, do not feel special. This had been decided before you wrote your entry. We (I) just hadn't gotten around to updating the ad. Also, apologies for sounding like a Bass-Tardis.' What's a 'Bass-Tardis'?"

"Probably a self-censored swear."

A loud knock rattled the door, followed by a female's yelling. "Anyone in there? I have major hacking plans today and I'm not gonna be delayed!"

Link sighed. "Great, PitFTW is up. Let's book it before she decides to hack the door open."

Zelda gave her boyfriend a wry smile. "So much for the Triforce of Courage."

"Please don't start with that."

SSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSB

**That's right, all. You who have procrastinated get a few more weeks to submit your entries. You have to get moving, though, because rushed chapters don't generally turn out well, no matter what reviewers might say. Remember, you're competing for prizes and pride!**

**Those of you who have finished your stories and think you need editing, best to edit now. We won't reveal what ticked us off (other than some... stuff). But there's a pretty good reason we're extending the deadline. If you feel your story has been rushed or it needs editing, use this opportunity! Please!  
**

**Some of you have already written some astounding pieces, so you don't have to fret too much. (We can't say who you are yet, sorry!) But for those who had grand plans but not enough time, and for those who started but didn't finish, this is your lucky day! WE WILL NOT EXTEND THE DEADLINE AGAIN!**

**Thank you, and goodnight.**


	4. Chapter 4

The Wow We Spent a Huge Amount of Time on this Chapter Chapter

**SSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSB**

"Hello, viewers. This is Master Hand, reporting live from the Smash Mansion/Tower/Building/Hall/Whatever. Behind me, you will see a line of beings of all shapes and sizes." The hand floated out of the way to provide a view before replacing himself. "These are the authors that have so graciously partaken in the AU Romance Contest this year. The line-up is about to enter the VIP seating area, and we're going to get statements from each attending author." The camera began to follow a small yellow butterfly that had traveled across the lens' view. "…Crazy, camera on me, please."

"But itza fatterbly!" The camera, under the control of the insane hand, began to follow the insect as it floated towards a patch of flowers. As the critter landed, the sounds of a scuffle came from behind the camera.

"Back this way, Crazy."

"Flutterball!"

"Crazy…"

"Eyev always wannated to make a flutterbutter movie."

The camera was jilted as a loud smacking sound rang out.

"Okay, fynz. Grumpy-glove."

"I heard that."

The camera turned back to the line of authors and began to approach the congregation. Soon, the picture was filled by a female Pikachu wearing a black hooded sweatshirt and a pink skirt. The shaggy blond hair reached down to the Pokémon's tail. An insane glint seemed to spark in the creature's eyes.

Then the Pikachu noticed the camera—right next to her face. "Get away from me!" Out of nowhere, a large chainsaw, teeth glittering like jewels, revved and came slashing down towards the recording device. Only Master Hand's quick reactions saved the day.

"Crazy, you should know better than to get that close to her!" Noting the advancing Pikachu, the hand quickly changed face. "U-uh, yes, Pikana Chuster, it's a pleasure to see you here again."

"GIMME DA CAMERA SO I CAN KILLZ IT!"

Crazy Hand spoke up next. "We needz it to document ur awesomez!"

This seemed to placate the lightning mouse. "Well, in that case, document away!"

Master Hand took up the interview. "Well, author Pikana Chuster, writer of 'Blizzard Primroses,' you seem to have gotten here early." The hand noted the camping equipment, wrappers of candy, and disturbed Smasher Pikachu sitting nearby. "Quite early. Is that—"

"Uh-huh. I was the first one here after the extension. I've been waiting ever since! And I'm still waiting!" Pikana rushed back to the door and began pounding on it with a spiked battle hammer coated in what seemed to be poison. "Open up you two lazy-asses! I can't take another night in that stupid tent!"

Taking that as a cue to leave, the twin hands moved on to the next author in line. This one was a male human with dark hair covered partially by goggles. His torso and shoulders were covered by light armor befitting of a mercenary warrior. His stony face betrayed no details to his emotions.

"HIIZ!" The author jumped slightly at Crazy's greeting. Master Hand took over before things got too difficult.

"FutureCam, author of 'Run in the Dark,' how do you do? I'm sure you know who we are. Would you mind answering a few questions?"

Recovered from the surprise, Cam responded with an even, "I guess."

"Alright. First, your story was one of the very first started. What gave you the idea to make such a story?" The writer motioned the hand forward and whispered into the approximate location of his ear. "I see. Uh-huh. Oh my." The announcer drew away. "That's an…insightful story. Anyway, uh…"

"Ooh! Me! Me! Pick me!" The camera turned to a young lady with tanned skin and dark hair. She exuded a strange aura, one that told anyone nearby that sarcasm was her biggest conversational tool.

Waved off by Cam, who didn't seem to want to keep talking, the two limbs proceeded to the next writer. "And you're…JSparks, correct? The one who wrote 'Songs Unsung'?"

"That's me! Now, do the interview or I'll fire you."

"…You can't fire us. We're, uh, under orders from the managers of the contest."

"Maybe I am your boss."

"No, you're not."

"BAGELZ!"

"Not now, Crazy."

"Did he say…bagels?" JSparks' cheery countenance was quickly replaced by a dark look. "Get away from me. And expect a lot of demonic lilies to show up in your yard soon."

The twin limbs backed off and turned to the next author. She was another human, wearing very colorful shorts, a pink country blouse, and tennis shoes. Her hair was mostly black, but there was a bit of silver swept over to one side. Her eyes showed kindness, patience, and, oddly, a little dark humor. "Hello."

"Ah, yes, you must be AvidAkiraReader, the one who wrote 'That Glorious Line.' Do you mind if we call you Avid?"

"I guess not."

"Good. So tell us for the viewers at home, what's it like writing a new pairing?"

"It's good, actually. Nobody's done it before, and that means that any ideas I have are mine alone. I'd say that it was a rewarding experience, even if I don't win."

'Thank you. And thanks for being rational." A bazooka shell exploded right behind Crazy Hand, shooting dust and shrapnel through the air. From the front of the line, Pikana's voice rang.

"That was a warning shot!"

The limbs took that moment to move on. The person they'd turned two was a teenaged human female dressed in formal wear, like she was attending a court of law. Her glasses covered half of her eyes and her hair was long and voluminous.

"Ventiwings, we presume?"

"I am."

"Werez ur wingzzz?"

"Crazy, be quiet. As author of 'Words Aren't Needed,' I'm surprised you would show up. Uh, not to be rude, of course."

"I was invited."

Master Hand was taken aback. "Yes, well, it's been seen that you have yet to complete your entry. Will you finish what you've started even though the deadline has passed?"

"I honestly do not know. I hope to complete it eventually, but I have other things to attend to, as well."

"SPEEK ENGISH, WOMEEN!"

"She means that she might or she might not."

"Okees."

"Is that all you have to ask of me today?"

"Yes it is. Come now, Crazy, let us talk to this next author…Darn, now she's got me doing it."

The limbs came to a young Latina girl listening intently to an iPod while reading a _Harry Potter_ book. "Araceli L, how are you?" The girl didn't look up from her story and simply turned a page. "Hello? Ms. Araceli?" Still no answer. Suddenly, the camera began to swing around. Master Hand's shout alerted Araceli L to the danger, and she employed a quick dodge just as the camera slashed right where she used to be. "Are you crazy?"

"U calld?"

Master Hand plucked the camera from his brother's hand and promptly smacked him upside the fingers. As Crazy floated sobbing in the background, the leader of the Smash Brothers tournaments talked to the author.

"It's good to see you, Araceli. Do you mind if I call you Ash?" The girl shook her head. "Alright then. Ash, your debut on the site was quite noted, practically blinding the readers with radiant words; a trend you continued with 'Homeward Bound.' And yet you've left and returned several times. What makes you go back and forth on this?"

"Several things. First, the need to create. Writing is creating a world under my control, one which I can make lighter or darker at my whims. It's more than just free expression—it's creating life. Second are the reviews. Sometimes I get something so inspirational that I just have to write. Especially if it's someone who doesn't understand what I'm saying. Third would have to be my music. I know I said I was leaving, but if the mood strikes, there's nothing to do but let it run its course."

"Inspirational. Thank you, Ash. Crazy, are you ready to take the camera again?"

"No."

"That means yes." Master returned the device to his twin. "No more slashing. Now, next one."

'Hi, that would be me!" The next author was a Filipino teenager who could, by less-discreet people, be called Chinese as well. Small though she was, there was no doubt that she had high spirits and a lot of energy.

Master Hand floated over, catching the camera as Crazy juggled it out of his own palm. Returning the camera, Master Hand began, "Chibi-Chinita, author of 'Gonna be Here,' nice to see you. A whirring from the camera lens attracted the attentions of both the author and the Hand. "Crazy, what are you doing this time?"

Crazy, hovering directly in front of Chibi-Chinita, answered in a surprisingly straight voice. "I'm making her bigger 'cuz she's too short."

"So I'm short! Get over it you big hand…thing!"

"That's enough, you two. Crazy, back off." The less sane limb complied as Master turned back to the author. "Now, Chi, it's been said that you weren't all that impressed by the response you got. How is it now?"

"Not much better. It's my least-reviewed story in the Smash Bros. section. It makes me feel sad. So review it and make me happy, everyone!"

"Miss Chi, this is not a private ad service. There are people who have it worse than you."

"I know…But still, it's discouraging."

"Understandable. Thank you for your time, Chibi-Chinita. Now, next we have…"

"Guessworks. That's me." The girl in question was sitting on a blanket and drawing a picture in a notebook. The most striking quality she possessed was her outward maturity: She acted refined like an adult, but one could easily see that she was hardly into her teens yet. A quick peek at her art revealed a fairly realistic, if quite incomplete drawing of a human.

"Guessworks? Yes, that rings a bell." Master Hand once again caught the falling camera, this time thrown for no apparent reason. "Please pardon my brother. Anyway, you wrote 'Distorted,' a twisted tale of dark thoughts and even darker actions. What's it like, being so dark all the time?"

"Who says I'm always dark? I've written my share of joyfulness. Even the ending to 'Distorted' isn't all that bitter. I just prefer to explore the darker themes in life. So not every tale ends in victory; big deal. What matters is the exploration involved, and that's what I devote myself to."

"GESSwurkz!"

"Yes?"

"…Hai."

Master Hand pretended to clear his throat. "Anyway, that was enlightening. Thank you for your time." Guessworks simply nodded as the Hands moved towards the back of the line.

The next entrant was a teenaged young man who needed no introduction. "MessengerofDreams!" greeted Master Hand. "You've really grown since your first entry here. 'Words and Action' was a real latecomer and began one of the most surprising rises the Smash Brothers have ever seen."

MoD chuckled, setting aside a laptop with very worn keys. "Thank you, but it's not all that big."

"Eet IZ!" Crazy Hand tossed the camera up and started flying in circles. "I yer biggggggggest phantom!" The berserk limb paused, palm up, and caught the camera gracefully. "I recordedized all your programs on MTV!"

"…What? I mean, thanks."

Master Hand bobbed. "That's probably the best answer. Now, many people are wondering, how did you get so great?"

"Two things. Influence and practice. Following the footsteps of great writers, both of fan fiction and of professional works is a great way to learn from the best. And when you write as much as I do, you gte a lot of experience and feedback that, when taken properly, shape your style. Also, a little dose of unfair persecution helps sometimes."

"Does u fight for my friends?"

That's enough, Crazy," sighed the saner Hand-lord. "Thank you for your advice. And, I'm sorry to say, that it's your original story that's been judged, not the newer entries."

"That's okay. Hopefully this interview comes out soon so we don't have too lump Foxpilot with Jimbo in terms of contest turnaround." The Hands laughed as they moved to the next contestant.

And indeed there was another contestant. Blaze of the Storm, formerly known as TwilightSmash, was a young lady of non-descript features. She didn't seem to be doing anything of interest, but one could imagine the wheels in her head turning around many romantic ideas.

Master Hand spoke first again. "Twilight—er, Blaze?"

"Mm?"

"Sheeeeez boring!" Crazy Hand shoved the camera in her face. "Do something fun!"

"Must I? I'm rather busy now."

Master Hand pulled his brother away. "That's enough, Crazy. She doesn't feel like sharing."

Blaze nodded. "It's true. Thank you for attempting, though."

Again, Master Hand mimicked nodding and dragged his twin to the next person in line. However, this person wasn't a person, but a powerful robot. Built for fierce melee combat and undoubtedly hiding more secrets, the automaton exuded one particularly overwhelming force that few people could compare to: The power of laughter. Indeed, the android was chuckling as words scrolled past visor. If one looked closely—and read backwards—it was clear that the letters formed a fan fiction of a rather perverse nature.

"Uh, Soundwave0107?" At the Hand's words, the Transformer nonchalantly deactivated the visor and gave an intense stare to the twin leaders. His voice boomed forth not with malevolence, however, but with humor.

"Hello. Did you ever give Dr. Mario that raise?"

"…No, I didn't. Anyway, I'd like to get a quote if I—"

"Transvestites! Rolled butts in this guys! Transvestites! Don't believe your eyes!" Crazy Hand clearly enjoyed this moment of pure randomness. "I loaf your work! I want to see more! More! MOOOOORRRE!

Soundwave stood and gave a mock bow. "Thank you, thank you. My audience is my biggest inspiration. Them, and lots of awesome, funny stuff."

"Uh, yes, I'm sure. Thank you, Soundwave. You may return to your…activity." Master Hand turned to leave.

"With pleasure. Say hello to Snake for me, will you?"

Somewhere on the Smash Campus, the legendary soldier shuddered in fear.

"So I'm next, right?" Indeed, the next person was a young lady with an obvious spark of peppiness—quite possibly insanity. Her hair and eyes were both brown, and she was currently engaged by a ZeLink fluff-fest. "Can we do this quickly, please? Zelda and Link are about to kick Ganondork's pathetic ass."

"YOU failed!" screeched Crazy Hand. This officially drew the authoress' attention.

"I did not _fail_, thank you…Okay, so I kind of did. But it could have been worse, no? I could have not entered at all. By the way, aren't you supposed to introduce me?"

Master Hand didn't miss a beat. "Yes. LxZrulez, alternately Alyxz, author of 'Typical.' Sadly, you were unable to finish—hence my lunatic brother's inappropriate outburst—and the story now lies dormant. You're well-known for being obsessed with the Zelda-Link pairing, but I would like to hear the answer to a pressing question: For a story with a lot of potential, why did you not finish?"

"I was lazy, okay? Plus there was school, video games and—ugh—real life." Lexi glanced sternly, but shrugged. "I might not finish it. Now please leave before I make chicken fingers without the chicken."

Disturbed by the authoress' threat—one could feel that she could and would back it up—Master Hand dragged his brother to meet the fourth-to-last contestant.

This writer felt even more unstable than the previous contestant, but not quite Pikana-level. The teenager, hailing from the British Isles, seemed to be stuck on the choice of doing something serious or writing more for a story. "Kattheamazing, or Katie, author of 'At Sea' " Master Hand introduced to the camera.

"That's me! It took you all long enough to get here." Katie turned her attention to the Hands, waving energetically. "Now, I'm busy, and you're probably busy, so shall we move this on?"

"You make funny hats!" Interjected Crazy. "And you were right: Bro-Bro is obsessed with—"

Master Hand backhanded his brother, carefully balancing the camera within the cup of his hand. "Right, so the question for you is, why did you end up rushing the story?"

"I was busy. And lazy. Busy and lazy. Mostly lazy. Anything else?"

"Girl, you so car-ray-zee! Hodyu get so loony?"

"Well Crazy," Kattheamazing pulled out a button and pressed it, "it's all practice."

Out of nowhere, a red postal van rocketed forth and smashed into the insane Hand. The golden chicken behind the wheel clucked loudly in an approximation of laughter. The mad appendage sprung up and down like a cartoon accordion before popping back into shape. "Lets us move to the newer one, huh?"

"Uh, indeed. The next one is Bijoukaiba, who wrote 'Just his Luck.' "

The author in question was a young lady with brown hair and gray-brown eyes. She was watching anime on her laptop, which made Master Hand consider reducing the range of the wireless signal. At the moment, though, he asked for the author's attention.

Pausing the stream, Bijoukaiba looked up. "Yes, hello. How may I help you?"

"Are you annoyed that the results are taking so long," Master Hand asked bluntly. He was tiring of the entire ordeal, and wanted to finish the filming. _Only two more to go…_

"Of course I'm annoyed. I don't let it bother me, though. I keep busy, though, so I'll be patient…for now."

"Another awther threat! Run!" Despite his advice, Crazy stayed perfectly still.

"I'm not threatening you," replied Bijou cheerfully. "I'm simply saying I'll be patient. Now, I think you're almost done, and you want to finish, so get going. Bye!" With that, Bijoukaiba returned to her anime.

Dragging his brother yet again, Master Hand grumbled, "This is why I don't let authors in. Okay," he continued out loud, "the next author is ThePersonofAwesomeness, author of 'Sunrise.' "

"Call me Galactic. It's just easier," the author said. The Hands approached the writer warily, as they couldn't exactly tell how this would go.

Cautiously, Master Hand began speaking. "Galactic, your story, though fairly popular, was rather short. Can you tell me what you thought about the story itself that makes the brevity so special?"

"Well," replied Galactic, "Not every story needs to be long. Actually, I'm rather displeased that it was so short. I was just in a rush, you know, and I knew that I wouldn't finish if I didn't write something fairly small. People seemed to like it, though, so when I get around to it I'll be expanding the story into a bigger Meta KnightXZelda/Sheik fic."

"Romanz is musshie!" declared Crazy Hand. "I like fresh cheese more."

"I like cheese!"

"Yes, thank you, Galactic. I believe we have enough." Master Hand sighed as he shoved his brother towards the final person in line.

"Come again!" called Galactic cheerily.

"Finally, we're almost done," Master Hand muttered. "That last one was utterly insane. Okay, this next one appears to be a young man with black pants and a black, open hoodie over a green t-shirt. He seems to have two parallel scars under one eye and is carrying a sword…Holy crap, it's Foxpilot!"

Indeed, the author in question was sitting in a wheeled recliner, typing on a laptop with headphones over his ears. Though the music itself couldn't be heard, Foxpilot was humming what was clearly the Brawl remix of the Star Fox main theme. Before either Hand could say a word, he spoke. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Wh…What are you doing here?" Master Hand was flabbergasted. Crazy Hand wasn't.

"He's clearly breaking the fourth wall in an attempt to perform a gag based on how long it's taken him to finish his part of the contest."

"It's true," the writer confirmed. "Except this entire thing has been an event in breaking the fourth wall. We've got over a dozen other fanfic authors here, after all. And yes, my time was mostly taken up by laziness and not anything particularly important. Mostly."

"But…why are you _here_?" Master Hand focused the camera, knowing that this would end stupidly.

"I'm waiting in line for the buffet. Kirby ate the entire cast meal and I'm really hungry."

"The doors don't open until the signal is given."

"Yes," Foxpilot said, with some irritation, "and it's been more than five months. This means I'm absurdly hungry. I've been living off the dew of the universe for more than one hundred fifty days." He silenced both Hands with a glare. "Don't you dare refute that. Anyway, that's why I'm finishing up here. Just give me a few moments…"

"Hey!" The shrill voice from the front of the line was obviously Pikana. "There you are! We've been waiting for months now and we're tired of it!"

Closing the laptop, Foxpilot hid a smirk. "Sir Hand, I suggest that you protect the camera, for all the good it'll do you. Duck." Following his own advice, the author hid behind the recliner.

"POST THE DAMN RESULTS ALREADY!" The enraged chu charged forth like a wild bull. A wild bull with a notoriously dangerous bazooka. Explosive shells flew everywhere, causing mass mayhem as they detonated within inches of many authors and their valuables.

Recognizing the danger, Master Hand decided to end the transmission. "Please excuse us, we're suffering technical—"

_BOOM!_

"Alright, alright, settle down people," Foxpilot, covered in a considerable amount of chocolate syrup, said. "I know that you guys wanna kill me and PitFTW for making you wait this long…"

"DAMN RIGHT WE DO!" someone in the crowd shouted. The spotlight immediately illuminated on the person, revealing to all that it was none other than Pit. Flushing red, the angel shrank down in his seat. "Shutting up now…"

"… Right… anyways, without further ado, allow me to introduce my two fellow judges. Cherry3456!"

A young woman walked calmly onto the stage, waving as the crowd applauded and/or threw tomatoes. She expertly countered the vile fruit-vegetable-things, however, with a tennis racket pulled from absolutely out of nowhere. After beating back the flying missiles with expert back and forehand strokes, she took a bow, much to the applause of those who didn't get hit by the retaliation, including Foxpilot.

"Hello everyone! It's wonderful to be here!" she chirped happily, readying her racket for more flying fruit. "And I must say, it was an honor to judge all of your wonderful stories and… yeah!"

Foxpilot coughed. "And now for my _other_ other co-host! Please welco-"

Luigi poked Foxpilot. Annoyed, the author looked at the green plumber, who meekly pressed a piece of paper into his hand before running off. With Cherry reading over his shoulder, Foxpilot quickly scanned the piece before sighing and rolling his eyes.

"… Ahem… please welcome the Queen of the Guardians! The Scourge of Zelgius! The Soul-Eating Monster! The Princess of Randomness! The Angel of Wisdom! The Master of the Fire Emblem! She-who-must-not-be-named-but-people-name-her-anyways! The Cheese Muffin-obsessed Empress of Awesomeness who is better than Foxpilo- hey!" Foxpilot scanned the rest of the sheet before realizing that there was more than one page. Unfolding it bit by bit, it was soon revealed that it was a list of titles that stretched well over a mile long. Frustrated, Foxpilot threw it down and stomped on it. "Alright, forget about it! Everyone just say 'Hello' to PitFTW!"

A nearby door was kicked down and in rushed a young brunette wielding a golden bow. "YES! 'TIS I, PSYCHE! BOW TO ME MORTALS!"

"I'll bow to you when Zelda is better than Star Fox," Foxpilot snorted.

"Well then, start bowing!" PitFTW retorted. The two then proceeded to choking each other, much to the amusement of the audience. Cherry, however, wishing to get the results out of the way, whacked both of them with her tennis racket before turning to the crowd.

Cherry pulled a remote out of her pocket and pressed a button. The lights dimmed as a white screen appeared behind the three authors. The crowd proceeded to "ooh" and "ahh" as a picture appeared on the screen: one of Nana and Popo wearing a blue-checkered dress and a dog suit respectively.

"First off, we have Pikana's entry, _Blizzard Primroses_," Cherry announced. "The story is one told of how Toto, known to be the faithful and loyal pet of the main heroine of the Wizard of Oz, pines for his mistress. Since we absolutely refuse to reveal any spoilers beyond a vague and extremely short summary of the entry, go read it yourself to see how it ends! A wonderful piece of art, _Blizzard Primroses_ was praised for its writing style, the emotions it portrayed, and in particular, the well-done TGing of Ike and Marth. However, a common criticism of the judges was that the plot was unfortunately cliché and that it should have been split into chapters. However, the cons of the story greatly outweighed the pros and we are happy to award Miss Chuster with an average score of 8.98 out of 10!"

The crowd cheered as the Pokemon author sprung up on her seat and took a bow, while waving her bazooka threateningly at those who booed her. Popo and Nana also received cheers and applause as well, causing the Ice Climbers to turn quite red. It was a great relief to them when Foxpilot edged Cherry out of the way for his turn at the mike. He was whacked with a baseball bat as a result. With the press of a button, the picture changed from that of a Wizard of Oz-esque setting to one of a ballet studio, with Link, Zelda, Sheik, and Roy all doing plies at the barre.

"Next entry is Guesswork's _Distorted_! A dark and eerie tail of how jealousy can awaken the darkness in one's mind. Sheik and Zelda, both ballerinas, have their eye on the same guy: Link. A tale of most unexpected events and dialogue unfolds as a result. This entry was praised for glorious writing style as well as the use of certain elements of the ballet world, such as a dance recital and balletic terms. The pairing was quite nicely played and the first couple chapters of the story were like vacuums to our inferior minds! Unfortunately, the last chapter in particular was rushed and in my opinion, a bit too peppy for such a dark tale. Zelda was also a bit OOC, but we digress that, as this is an alternate universe, after all. So without further ado, we give this riveting and horrific tale an average score of 6.82 out of 10!"

A roar of applause- and laughter- came at that. Guessworks stood up and bowed, along with Link, Zelda, and Roy. However, Link and Roy were subjected to mockery from the villains not long afterwards for their roles as male ballet dancers, particularly by Ganondorf.

That was how Ganondorf ended up in the hospital wing with several broken bones, many a bleeding cut, and an extremely bruised dignity.

PitFTW walked up to Foxpilot and dangled an original copy of Star Fox 64 in front of him. Smirking, she proceeded to throw it off-stage, laughing as the author chased after it. The scene changed from a ballet studio to what looked like a warship at sea. Link stood on the deck, dressed in a navy officer's uniform with Zelda at his side.

"Third entry is Kattheamazing's _At Sea_, a truly riveting story of how much love can change you. A certain young Hero's love for a Hylian Princess greatly influences the plot as it moves forward, painting a tale of pure epic win. The entry was praised for its plot and its use of mood fluctuation, as well as the pacing of the pairing it held. However, it was also unfortunately brought down by its rushed ending and its at-first confusing conclusion. However, it is with much pleasure that we award this fic with a score of 7.1 out of 10!"

Kattheamazing, Link, and Zelda all took their bow. A hard glare from Zelda silenced any would-be villain that would dare make fun of her Hero in a sailor's suit. Link, on the other hand, tried his best to slowly inch away from Zelda. After all, when she was in such a mood, there was no telling who she would turn on. PitFTW handed the mic over to Cherry just as the picture changed again to Ike and Palutena, both posing in front of a race car.

"AvidAkiraReader's _The Glorious Line_ holds the newly invented pairing of Ike and Palutena, the Mercenary of Tellius and the Goddess of Light. In this universe, both are celebrated go-kart racers who must race for the finish. In the meanwhile, strange events happen that can quite well affect the outcome of the race… The pairing in particular was praised for its originality and the description was also praised as well. However, criticism of this piece included pacing, a grammar, and the changing point of views. In spite of that, we are proud to award this story with a well-deserved 6.97 out of 10!"

"I still can't believe people actually care to know that I too exist as an entity in this world," Palutena said as she watched AvidAkiraReader take her bow.

"What the Hell are you doing here?" Ike asked.

"… Watch your mouth and I won't turn you into a toad, okay?" Palutena asked sweetly. She let out a low chuckle as Foxpilot, clutching Star Fox 64, rushed onto the stage.

"Darn it, PitFTW! You gave me a water-logged copy!" he shoutedjabbing an accusatory finger at his fellow host.

PitFTW shrugged. "Sorry, but you disagreed with me when I said that cheese muffins are better than English muffins! For that, YOU MUST PAY!"

"One… we never had such a discussion… two… it's my turn," Foxpilot said brusquely, grabbing the microphone as the picture behind him changed to one of Marth and Samus standing back to back. Both were wielding guns and the scenery around them was simply littered with blood and dead bodies. There was even a crude drawing of Micaiah from Radiant Dawn with her head chopped off, tongue hanging out, and in general simply bleeding.

"Okay, who drew that?" Ike demanded. PitFTW put her hands behind her back and whistled.

"Right… The next entry is set in quite the dark and gritty tone! FutureCam's _Run in the Dark_ takes place in the universe known as Noir, where our favorite Smashers Samus and Marth are battling it out against Crime Lord Tabuu. The entry was praised for its imagery, desolate feelings, and the ending! However, it was also panned slightly by certain unclear points in the story and the use of a clichéd villain. Overall, however, we judges are proud to give Mr. Cam… or Mr. Future… or just Cam… or Cam, Guardian of-"

"ANNOUNCE THE RESULTS ALREADY!" the impatient author yelled from the crowd.

"Right then! We are proud to give Mr. FutureCam, Guardian of Ike, a score of 8.37 out of 10!"

Marth, who had stood up to bow, was immediately shoved aside by Cam as he too took his bow. Samus, on the other hand, was content with a simple nod. She didn't want any men to wolf whistle at her during such an important ceremony.

PitFTW took this time to push Foxpilot out of the way while the screen behind her changed to a scene of Pit and Samus, both sitting on what looked like a waiting room table at a hospital. Pit was dressed to look like an EMT and Samus was dressed casually, but looked ready to kill whoever was currently taking the picture.

"Chibi-chinata's _Gonna Be Here_ is a thrilling tale of how one life and death situation can change your world. Meet Pit, an Emergency Medical Technician who has given his heart to Miss Samus Aran. As Samus is sent to the hospital due to reasons that you have to read the story to know, it is up to Pit to be there for her in her darkest hour. The story was praised for its excellent use of present-tense and its great use of suspense. However, a common complaint of the judges was the slightly skimped over descriptions as well as the pacing. As such, we have awarded the story with a score of 7.42 out of 10! In addition, Foxpilot would like to point out that Ike's hair is not purple."

"EET'S PEENK!" Crazy Hand said happily, dumping a bucket of paint on the unfortunate mercenary's head as Chibi-Chinata and Pit both took a bow. Samus was again content with a simple nod of acknowledgement.

Cherry now took the stage, shifting the scene from one of a hospital to one of… a hospital. Only this time, it was Samus and Captain Falcon as the main focal point. Samus seemed to be cradling a small bundle in her arms whereas Captain Falcon looked like… Captain Falcon.

"Entry number… I've lost track. _Just His Luck_ by Bijoukaiba is an extremely well written tale of how Samus, stricken with a situation that we shall not reveal, is comforted by her dear Captain Falcon. Much praise was given to the tension and the scenes in general, but was unfortunately lacking in length in the eyes of the judges. Overall, however, we were quite pleased with the results and would like to award the story with an average score of 8.27!"

Bijoukaiba stood up and did an extravagant bow, only to be decidedly upstaged by Captain Falcon, who did a better bow. Offended, the author shoved the racer out of the way and did an even better bow. However, Captain Falcon got up once again and did an even better bow. He was then subjected to quite the spanking, as Bijoukaiba took that time to pick up the racer's chair and whack him with it.

"Give me that mike," Foxpilot said as he grabbed it. The scene behind him changed to one of Meta Knight holding the hand of a tall lady shrouded in shadows. Of course, Pit jumped up on his chair as soon as he saw the woman.

"HEY! THAT'S- MMF!" the angel's eyes widened in surprise as Wolf immediately clamped a claw over his mouth and pulled him back down into his chair.

"Soundwave0107's _Cabellero Negro _tells the tale of a brave knight, charged with the task of escorting the lady to her destination. The identity of this lady is kept a secret to the reader until the very end and it must be admitted that the judges did not expect the pairing! We praised _Cabellero Negro_ for the powerful description, its 'cute' plot, and of course, Crazy Luigi! Unfortunately, the story was pulled down by the fact that the sentences tended to be run-on and the final fight was cut out for time, even with the extension of the deadline for the contest. However, we are quite pleased to give Mr. Soundwave a good ol' 6.9 out of 10!"

Soundwave took that moment to rip Meta Knight's mask right off his face and drag him up by his cape in order to make the Star Warrior bow with him. The blue puffball, on the other hand, was decidedly shamed by his rather adorable face and hid his head in his hands, much to the laughter of King Dedede among others. Luigi also took this moment to take a bow, only to be immediately spooked by a couple of Boo's someone (most likely Pikana) had chosen to release at that time.

PitFTW grabbed the mic from Foxpilot just as the picture behind her changed to one of Zelda and Roy. Both were leaning against a wall with wide grins. Roy was holding what looked like an AK-47. "JSparks' _Songs Unsung_ tells the tale of Zelda, a dreamer, and her little adventure with Roy, a young man who believes in her dreams as well as having ones of his own. The story was praised quite enthusiastically for its quick prose, Roy's compelling character, and its general ability to produce the feeling of enjoyment. However, there were numerous clichés within the story that unfortunately cost it points, as well as several points in the story in which more description could have been used. As such, we judges hereby award this adorable little fanfic with a solid 7.9 out of 10!"

"Solid?" Cherry asked. "That's a decimal, smart one!"

JSparks, grinning, stood up and took a bow. Zelda and Roy followed likewise, with Roy still holding the AK-47 from the picture. The ensuing bullet filled chaos sent quite a few Smashers to the hospital with "Swiss Cheese Disease".

As Cherry took the microphone, the scene behind her changed to that of… a meadow. Just a plain old meadow. Okay, there was a crudely drawn picture of Master Hand getting whacked with a frying pan, but aside from that, it was just a plain and lovely little meadow.

"… Okay, who drew that?" Cherry asked, pointing at the Master Hand drawing.

Several authors in the audience turned their backs and whistled, showing numerous markers and crayons in their back pockets. Shaking her head, Cherry turned to the microphone.

"_Homeward Bound_ by Araceli L is the sweet tale of a man who searches for his home, where his love awaits him. Not much detail can be given after that, as the story in and of itself is quite breathtaking. However, we will say that _Homeward Bound_ was greatly praised for its enticing description and the great skill with the usage of vague characters. However, it was also the description that became its downfall. The description was unfortunately rather heavy and slowed down the story, and it must be noted that one of the judges feels that it could have been longer. But in spite of all of that, we have given _Homeward Bound_ a well-deserved 8.8 out of 10!"

AraceliL stood up alone and took a bow, while the two Smashers who had been featured in the story did not. After all, they wanted to keep their inclusion within _Homeward Bound_ as secret as possible. It did not take long for Foxpilot to take the stage, the scene behind him changing into one of a sunrise, with Princess Zelda and Meta Knight standing atop a hill overlooking it. Both were illuminated quite nicely by the rather gorgeous picture and it was quite the sight to see.

"ThePersonofAwesomeness' _Sunrise_ is a short, but lovely little story of Zelda and Meta Knight… watching the sunrise. Since we can't give away much more than that, we'll just say that this story was praised for its great description, its unusual pairing that worked quite well, and the fact that it said so much with so little. Unfortunately, there were still parts that felt rather unfulfilled to the judges and therefore earned _Sunrise_ a score of 7.5 out of 10!"

ThePersonofAwesomeness grinned and took a bow, much to the applause of others. Zelda also stood and bowed. Meta Knight, on the other hand, was still being held hostage by Soundwave. The author, making sure that the Star Warrior hadn't managed to put his mask back on, stood and showed off the cute little puffball to the world. PitFTW now took the stage, taking extra care to stomp on Foxpilot's toes on the way to the microphone. As the author jumped in pain, the picture behind her changed from one of a sunrise to that of a ball. Peach was in the center of this scene, dancing with what looked like some kind of transparent vision of Link.

"Twilight Smash's _So Close, Yet so Far_ expresses just how powerful love is, even having the ability to transcend all time and barriers, including death itself. The story was praised well for the way the love between Link and Peach was portrayed and how sweetly it read. That being said, however, the judges felt as if that the love was just a bit robotic, as well as the need for some corrections with grammar. However, we are all happy to give Miss Twilight Smash a 7.6 out of 10!"

Twilight Smash, Peach, and Link all stood and gave a bow, the latter two much to the chagrin of Zelda and Mario. Foxpilot took this time to revenge himself upon PitFTW by stomping on _her_ toes and shoving her out of the way just as the scene behind him changed to one of Mario staring up at the stars. There was also a full moon featured in this picture, with a picture of Peach upon it.

"XBlank-Paper-MoonX's _Private Prince_ relates the feelings of our favorite plumber Mario and his sweet damsel in distress, Peach. The story in and of itself is rather short, too short for the tastes of the three judges. However, it was praised for the masterful tone-setting and the way the author was able to make the reader _feel_ what Mario was feeling. So, we have deliberated long and hard, but we believe that _Private Prince_ truly entails a good 6.3 out of 10!"

XBlank-Paper-MoonX stood and took a bow, along with both Mario and Peach. Bowser booed them and was immediately beset by a bunch of fireballs, courtesy of the red-clad plumber. As Cherry stepped up to the microphone, the scene behind her changed to one of Peach and Falco, both clad in police uniforms. This won Peach quite a few wolf-whistles, which were all immediately silenced by a glare from Mario.

"Our final entry in this contest is the famous MessengerofDreams' first contribution to the site, _Words and Action_!" Cherry grinned as everyone in the audience cheered for the fact that the extremely long announcing of results was finally coming to a close. "The story of Falco and Peach, two police officers who just so happen to be partners. We won't give anything away other than that, folks, so just go read the thing! The story was praised for its humor and its moderately good plot, but unfortunately criticized for its heavy language (for a romance story), its length in that it could have been split into chapters, and for the fact that the similarities between Peach and her feathered partner were never explained. As such, we feel that for a first story, this isn't half bad and are happy to award MessengerofDreams with a score of 6.7 out of 10!"

MessengerofDreams stood and bowed, dragging Falco up with him. The bird, always a lover of attention did one bow, followed by at least 72 more. Peach was content with a simple curtsey.

"And now… the moment you have all been waiting for!" Foxpilot announced. "The announcement of our top three winners!"

PitFTW grinned. "Allow us to say once again that it has been a true honor to host such a contest and hopefully, we will do one again next year! We never expected 14 entries total, and most certainly did not expect such a fast-paced, eager set of authors competing!"

Cherry cleared her throat. "In third place, we ha-"

"Hold on just a minute there, Cherry!" Foxpilot shouted. "We still have the _other_ awards to give!"

"Oh right! The other awards!"

"The other awards?" the audience asked.

"That's right! The other awards!" Foxpilot cleared his throat. "Since we feel that _everyone_ should get a prize of some kind, it is only natural that we made special categories in order to allow for everyone to get a prize!"

PitFTW nodded. "Indeed! The first category is known as… Most Likely to be a Crab!"

"… What?" FutureCam asked.

"Ooh! OOH!" Pikana jumped up and down in her seat. "PICK ME! PICK ME! MY STORY IS MOST LIKELY TO BE A CRAB!"

"Actually, Pikana, the story that is most likely to be a crab is Guessworks'!" Cherry announced. "For no reason other than the fact that the others were high on life while choosing the prizes!" a pulley rope appeared next to her. "And now for you prize!"

"Um… yay?" Guessworks asked. The author was immediately beset by a horde of live crabs. "OH MY GOD! THE PAIN! THE PAAAAIIIIN!"

"You're welcome!" Cherry said cheerfully.

"Next prize on the list," Foxpilot said, "Is the 'Most Tastiest'! We judges printed out each of the stories and licked them to get a sense of the taste."

"Of course, since Foxpilot's printer was low on ink, he was forced to lick his screen," PitFTW said, shooting a glare at her fellow author.

"My tongue still hasn't recovered… anyways, after much tasting and deliberating, we have decided that the tastiest story is Miss Twilight Smash's!"

Twilight Smash blinked as the audience happily applauded her. "Oh! Well, thank-"

"PRIZE TIME!" Cherry shouted, giving the rope another pull.

A bunch of Like-Likes appeared in front of the author. Eyes widening, Twilight Smash leaped right off her chair and ran for the door, the disgusting slug things following after her rather quickly for a bunch of Zelda monsters. It also didn't help that the Like-Likes, who were quite hungry, proceeded to eat quite a few people.

The weapons and most of the clothing of the audience officially became the sole property of PitFTW.

"Ain't that lovely, folks?" PitFTW asked. The audience booed her. Scowling, she took the mike from Foxpilot. "Our next category is Most Sparkly! We are happy to award the Most Sparkly award to Soundwave0107! After all, with Crazy Luigi, _everything_ is shiny!"

Soundwave, still holding Meta Knight, proceeded to put his hands together and whisper a prayer as Cherry pulled the rope. Numerous copies of the Twilight series piled on top of him, bringing with them the screams of the unfortunate author and the stench of burning flesh—or in this case, metal.

"BAD LITERATURE! IT BUUUUUUUURRRRNS US!" Soundwave shouted, desperately trying to claw his way out of the pile.

"Our next category is for only the most affluent of the rich!" Foxpilot said cheerfully. "So that is why we hereby award Most Expensive to chibi-chinata!"

The young woman immediately leaped out of her seat, watching warily as Cherry dialed on a phone. The next thing she knew, a man appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her, teleporting away. The only thing left behind was a large pile of money, which Foxpilot immediately claimed.

"OPEC says thanks for selling them such a wonderful author for only nine zillion dollars!" Cherry laughed.

"MONEY! ALL MINE! MIIIIIINE!" Foxpilot said, throwing some bills up in the air. He was immediately met with several guns aimed at him. "I mean… all mine to share?"

"Our next category is one given only to the most epic of epic," PitFTW said. "It is… Most Likely to be Falcon PAWNCHed! We have deliberated long and hard over this choice and have finally come up with… Bijoukaiba!"

"Yay! … wait," the girl said, realizing what the category was. "HANG ON, I'M-"

"Falcon… PAWWWWWWNCH!"

There was now a brand new Bijoukaiba-shaped hole in the roof.

Cherry came forward now. "Our next category… Most Likely to be a Ninja! After much deliberation, we realized that we can only give this prize out to one person… ThePersonOfAwesomeness!" she pulled out her walkie-talkie. "Congratulations! Now… RELEASE THE PIRATES!"

ThePersonOfAwesomeness only had time to reach the door before a whole slew of pirates wielding toilet brushes came in and proceeded to whack the author also known as Galatic with said toilet brushes. Seeing this, the audience proceeded to ever so _cautiously_ run for the door. Unfortunately, Crazy Hand had taken the time to cement the doors shut, so everyone was basically trapped.

"Leaving so soon? Before we can finish announcing the prizes? How rude!" Foxpilot said. "So therefore, we have no choice but to… RELEASE THE REDEADS!"

One horribly graphic scene later, most of the audience was mewling on the floor. Foxpilot then walked over and placed a ReDead mask on MessengerofDreams' face.

"Congrats, your story won Most Likely to be Attacked by Redeads! RELEASE THEM AGAIN!"

Yet another Redead attack later, the audience were back in their seats. Of course, each and every one of the members were chained down to them and were desperately trying to break free, but none of the three judges took notice. They were too busy reviewing the results of the rest of the prizes.

"These next two categories go together," Cherry said. "Most Likely to be a Pirate and Most Likely to be a Ninja! We are happy to present these prizes to Kattheamazing and to AvidAkiraReader respectively!"

Some extremely unenthusiastic foot stamps came from the audience. Still smiling, Cherry proceeded to pull the rope that was still hanging next to her. AvidAkiraReader only had time to attempt to scoot her chair away before a slew of pirates fell on her, waving toilet brushes around and garbling in "pirate talk". Kattheamazing, knowing that her turn was next, braced herself for the ninjas that were most likely to come. What she didn't expect, however, was to be met by the blade of a Samurai sword rather than a ninja shiruken.

"I thought you were supposed to hire ninjas for her!" PitFTW told Foxpilot accusingly.

"I did… but they were booked. Something about running around in orange jumpsuits and getting a giant demonic nine-tailed fox getting sealed inside them, causing them to be the ultimate weapon of destruction that can potentially cause the end of all things as we know it," Foxpilot said calmly. "But enough about that! We still have two more prizes to give before we announce the winners!"

PitFTW turned and grinned evilly at the last two standing: JSparks and XBlank-Paper-MoonX. "And we saved only the best for last! … Sorta… please welcome the awards known only as Furriest and Most Likely to Play a Card Game on a Motorcycle! Please excuse us rushing, but I'm in a rather huge hurry and this chapter is already 25 pages long as it is."

A motorcycle crashed through the fourth wall and nearly ran over XBPMX. Meanwhile, JSparks was soon assaulted by the biggest razor she had ever seen. Squeaking in fright, she managed to struggle her way out of the chains that bound her just in time to dodge the spinning blades. Unfortunately, part of her hair was shaved off as a result.

Finally, the grand moment had arrived. The final three survivors shook slightly in their seats as Foxpilot stepped up to the mike, proudly holding an envelope.

"Ahem. Ladies and Gentlemen who are still alive and more or less still have all of their limbs! It is time to announce the winners! In third place… we have a tale set in a world where your greatest ally can turn out to be your greatest enemy. A world where survival means all and only the toughest of the tough can survive. A love story between two such individuals, forced to work together to achieve a common goal. That's right, folks! We hereby award third place to Mr. FutureCam and his engaging story: _Running in the Dark_!"

"Well thank God," the author breathed. "Can you people kindly unchain me now?"

"Of course not!" Cherry said cheerfully. "We still have to give you your prize! After all, first is the worst, second is the best, third is the nerd with the hairy chest!" then, with a pull of her rope, a severed hairy chest dropped down right on top of Cam's lap.

"HOLY MOTHER OF HELL!" Cam shouted, kicking the torso off him as Pikana cackled beside him. "WHOSE CHEST IS THAT?"

"… I'd tell you… but then Otacon would track me down and kill me," PitFTW said evenly. "And frankly, I'm already on the run as it is. Apparently, Gerudos don't appreciate it when you sneak around their hideout shooting their guards with arrows and breaking their pots for hearts and rupees."

Cherry now strolled up to the microphone, grinning from ear to ear. "In second place… the engaging tale of a man ready to come home, but still forever searching for the right path back. His heart guides him along the way, slowly bringing him back to where he belongs. A sweet, yet vague story of a love that transcends time and space and whose depth knows no bounds. Araceli L, we are proud to say that your story, _Homeward Bound_, has truly captured our hearts and that it has been given a well-deserved second place in our contest!"

Araceli smiled as this was said, but the smile soon gave way to a worried look when she remembered the prizes that had been showered upon the other winners before. Her fears proved to be false, as Foxpilot handed her a large medal. Finally, as whatever remained of the audience held their breath, PitFTW stepped up to the mike.

"In first place… a story that takes us over the rainbow, where blue birds fly and troubles melt like lemon drops way above the chimney tops. A land where the north, south, east, and west are all ruled by their own witch and where the centerpiece is a great city made entirely of emeralds. A continuation of a beloved children's classic is brought to life through Pikana's _Blizzard Primroses_, a truly engaging tale that has thus been given a well-deserved first place!"

"YEAH, BABY!" Pikana cheered, waving Bazookie around. She had somehow managed to wriggle her way out of the chains. "HOW DO YA LIKE ME NOW?"

"… Prize time!" Foxpilot said, dumping a garbage pail all over the winner. The Pokemon author blinked for a moment, watching as old pizza slid down her face. Then, with eyes glowing red, she slowly turned towards the three judges.

"… First is the worst, eh? I'LL SHOW YOU THE WORST!"

"Uh… THANKS FOR JOINING THE CONTEST! HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL NEXT YEAR!" Cherry shouted as she jumped out a window.

"Don't kill us for being so slow with results! We have good excuses!" PitFTW shouted over the noise of Bazookie blasting away.

"So sorry to end this so soon, but I wanna keep all my limbs!" Foxpilot hid behind a door.

"BYE EVERYONE!"

"THANKS AGAIN FOR JOINING!"

"PIKANA! FOR THE LOVE OF STAR FOX, PUT DOWN THAT CHAINSAW!"

**SSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSBSSB**

The newspaper headline read thusly: "NINJA AWARD GIVEN OUT TWICE IN CONTEST!"

The accompanying subtitle: "Also, Pikachu learns Explosion multiple times."

**PitFTW's Note: Alright, where to begin... first off, both Foxpilot and myself would like to apologize profusively for the amount of time it took to get this thing out. Unforseen events plagued both of us and filled up our schedules. However, I am happy to say that at long last, this is over. Exhausted though we both are, we will be contacting the Top Three shortly to discuss prizes.**

**Oyasuminasai! I hope to see you next year!**


End file.
